Complete & Finished

Some People Say That There Is No Difference Between COMPLETE & FINISHED But There Is:

When You Marry The Right One, You Are COMPLETE.

But If You Marry The Wrong One, You Are FINISHED.

And When The Right One Catches You With The Wrong One, You Are COMPLETELY FINISHED.

Computer: Male or a Female?

Once a Spanish teacher was explaining to the class that in Spanish, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine, unlike English.

 'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.' 

A student asked, "What gender is a 'computer' then?"

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether a 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. 

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because: 

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic; 

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;  3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and  

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it. 

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because: 

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on; 

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves; 

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they are the problem; and  

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model. 

Needless to say, the women won!


Special Note: What better way than to end the year on a humorous note. ;) So i guess i'll see you all in 2011, a very crucial year for me! Wish you all a very happy & idyllic 2011!

Time Up!

A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. She had a near death experience in the operation theatre.

On seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"

God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."

On recovering, the woman decided to stay back in the hospital and got a face-lift, liposuction and a tummy tuck done. She even had someone come in to change her hair color and brighten her teeth.

Since she had so much time to live, she figured out that she might as well make the most of it.

After her last surgery, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.

On arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years. Then why didn't you pull me out of the path of the ambulance?"

God replied: "I didn't recognize you!"


Moral: Don't tweak with what god has already given you. Be happy the way you are.

About the One & Only

Good morning to all on Monday the 13th. :) Na na, this post has got nothing to do with 13th or Monday, i just felt like saying it. :P I was going thru the mails in my inbox all sleepy n dull, when i came across this forward which just made my sleep disappear instantly. So here it is for all those ppl who hate Mondays, and for those who don't as well:

* RECENTLY CHINA AIRPORTS WERE CLOSED DUE TO HEAVY FOG. LATER IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT RAJANIKANTH WAS SMOKING IN INDIA!!

* RAJANIKANTH COMPLETED HIS KINDERGARDEN FROM SEVEN DIFFERENT PLACES. TODAY THOSE PLACES ARE KNOWN AS IITs!!

* GOVERNMENT OF INDIA PAYS TAX TO RAJANIKANTH FOR LIVING IN INDIA.

* DEFINITION OF SOLAR ECLIPSE:
WHEN RAJANIKANTH STARES AT SUN WITH ANGER, SUN HIDES BEHIND THE MOON. THIS PHENOMENA IS CALLED SOLAR ECLIPSE!

* RAJANIKANTH WOKE UP ONE DAY AND DECIDED TO SHARE ONE PERCENT OF HIS KNOWLEDGE WITH THE WORLD. THUS...GOOGLE WAS BORN!!

* THINK WHAT WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF RAJANI WAS BORN 100 YEARS AGO??
THE BRITISH WOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR THEIR INDEPENDENCE.

* WHY DO EARTHQUAKES OCCUR? BECAUSE AT THAT TIME RAJANIKANTH'S MOBILE IS ON VIBRATION MODE.

* ONCE RAJANIKANTH BUNKED A WHOLE DAY IN SCHOOL. SINCE THEN, THAT DAY IS KNOWN AS SUNDAY.

* THE PYRAMIDS IN EGYPT ARE ACTUALLY RAJANIKANTH'S PRIMARY SCHOOL CRAFT PROJECTS.

* BREAKING NEWS:
ISRO DOES NOT EXISTS ANYMORE! RAJANIKANTH PURCHASED ALL THE ROCKETS FOR DIWALI CELEBRATION.

* WHY DID RAJANI BUY AN ACRE OF LAND WTH 4 WELLS ON EACH CORNER??
TO PLAY CARROM!!

* BEFORE TOM CRUISE, RAJANI WAS APPROACHED FOR THE MOVIE MISSION IMPOSSIBLE, BUT RAJANI REFUSED AS HE FOUND THE TITLE INSULTING.

* RAJANIKANTHS'S NEXT PROJECT IS,TITANIC IN TAMIL. THE CLIMAX HAS BEEN REVISED, BOTH SURVIVE. RAJANIKANTHS SWIMS ACROSS THE ATLANTIC OCEAN WITH THE HEROINE IN ONE HAND AND TITANIC IN THE OTHER.

Viva Monday

?

?Once a couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween party. The wife got a terrible head ache and told her husband to go to the party alone. Being a devoted husband, he protested, but she argued and said that she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for him to spoil the fun by not going. So he took his costume and away he went.

After sleeping soundly for about an hour or so, the wife woke up without any pain and as it was still early, decided go to the party. As her husband didn't know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband, see how he acted when she was not around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick, cupping a little here and a little kiss there. His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. After a couple of drinks he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and made out passionately in the back seat.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went back home put the costume away and got into the bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would give for his outrageous behavior. She was sitting and reading when he came in, she asked him "how was the party?"

He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I can never have a good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"

He replied, "I tell you, I never danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill, Brown and some other guys, we went into the spare room and played poker all evening"

"You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!" she said with unabashed sarcasm.

To which the husband replied, "Actually, I gave my costume to my Boss, apparently he had the time of his life!"


So what do you infer/conclude from this incident? Will be interesting to know your take on this.

When Women Lie...

One day a seamstress was sitting and sewing near a river, when her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped his hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord again dipped his hand into the river and pulled out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes."

The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all the three thimbles, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the river bank, when her husband fell into the river and disappeared. When she cried out, Lord appeared again and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband? The Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious, "You lied! That is an untrue!"
The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It's a misunderstanding, you see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all the three husbands, so that's why I said "yes" to George Clooney.

And so the Lord let her keep him.

Moral of the story:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it. ;) :P

?Watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on Monday, absolutely loved it! I think i totally fell for Dobby in the movie. Quite an unlikely choice i know, but u really need to watch the movie if u wanna know why am i saying this. Also felt that the end was a bit abrupt....well this cud be coz the next part will take off from where it's left. A bit unfair for HP fans that they will have to wait till July next yr. to watch the last part of the series.

Love & Marriage

?Love is holding hands on the street.
Marriage is having arguments on the street.

Love is cuddling on the sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on the sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.
 

Love is sweet nothings in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".


Conclusion:

"Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

Wish you all a relaxing weekend. Rest well. :)

Different Minds think Differently

Last night Harry and his wife were sitting in the living room, talking about life. In between they talked about the idea of living and dying.

He said to her: Darling never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die.

His wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards him, and proceeded to disconnect the TV cable, the dish, the DVD player, the computer, the cell phone, the ipod, and the Xbox, and then went on to the bar and threw away all his whisky, rum, gin, vodka & the beer in the fridge.

HE ALMOST DIED!!

The moral of the story is: Think before you wish for something.

Wish you all a happy and fun filled weekend! :)

Couple Capers

Two women chatting at work:

Woman 1: I had a fine evening yesterday, how was yours?

Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh, it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit candles around the house and afterwards we talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work:

Husband 1: How was your evening?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. It was so good! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity as I hadn't paid the bill. So I had to take my wife out for dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk back home which took an hour; and when we got home since there was no electricity I had to light candles all over the house! After all of that, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!

 

Sigh....such is life! It all depends on how u interpret things. Isn't it! Wish you all a gr8 week ahead. :)

Sleepy at Work!?

Below is the routine that I recommend each & everyone of you to preach and practice every step of it at work.

As a warm up, let�s do some Tai Chi..

Follow like this to ease your neck & shoulder pain

Wa..wa.. aaa

Move to the right and then to the left

After that, move to the left and then to the right

Just follow. Don�t force yourself to do 360 degrees, 180 degrees will do. Bend down a bit like you gonna faint. Repeat a few times till you�re bored

Grab anything on your desk and smash your head hard. If you are still sleepy smash harder

After that move your feet and swing your body a bit like this. Do it like it�s nobody�s business and remember to smile.







Move your feet and body just a bit like this. Do it like there�s no problem at all.

And now more aggressively! Don�t bother about what others say.

Let go of all your stress�

If your boss asks what you are doing, move your head slowly like this and tell them you�re dying in the office.

When your boss walked off, get your colleague to join you and move your body like this. The more the merrier�

Finally, dance like a cat.

All of you have a gr8 weekend while i recover from a bout of Viral Fever. :|

Love,

What Men Think....

Once the police arrested a drunkard & asked: Where are you going?
Man: I'm going to listen a lecture on the ill effects of drinking.

Cop: Who'll lecture you at midnite?
Man: My wife.

Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!

Q: What's the difference between Complete and Finished?
A: If you find a good wife you are complete, else you are finished.

Two men were having a conversation.
1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!

Wife: If I remove the cook and cook food for a whole month, what will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

Law Professor: Which is the most important Law of Finance for starting a new business?
Student: Father-in-Law!

Who's Murphy Anyways!?

1. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.


2. To err is human, to forgive is not the company policy.


3. The road to success is always under construction.


4. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.


5. If you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried.


6. You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.


7. Anything dropped on the floor will always roll over to the most inaccessible corner.


8. If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late, the bus is still late.


9. Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.


10. When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.


11. You pick up the maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.


12. The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

Bored at Work?

1. Form an agency to find out who is quitting next.

2. Send mails from outlook to your personal email id, then immediately get to the internet to see who reaches first, you or your mail? Then do vice versa!

3. Rearrange the furniture i.e. flick someone else's chair just to irritate him/her.

4. Count your fingers & toes if you are still bored.

5. Watch other people change their facial expressions while working and try changing your expressions accordingly.

6. Try to stretch status meetings as longer as possible, by asking silly doubts.

7. Have a nice long lunch break; it's a big social occasion.

8. Revise last week's newspaper.

9. Hold "How fast my computer boots" competitions.

10. Practice aiming the coffee cup into the dustbin.

11. Have little work breaks in between tea.

12. Count the maximum no. of applications your computer can open at a time.

13. Move things to recycle bin and restore them. Then repeat this process.

14. Look at someone & try to imagine how (s)he might have looked when (s)he was 5 years old.

15. Make full use of the comfortable chair and table provided to u, take a nap.

Oh Bob!

Bob works hard at the office but he spends two nights each week bowling, and plays golf on every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so she takes him to a local strip club on his birthday.

The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey Bob! How ya doin?'.

His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before.

'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my bowling league.'

When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser.

His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink Budweiser?'.

'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Budweiser at the end of the 1st nine, honey.'

'A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to dance herself all over him and says,'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?'

Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab.

He jumps in besides her, before she slams the door.

Bob desperately tries to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it.

She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book.

The cabby turns around and says, 'Gee Bob, you picked up a real witch this time!'

Bob's funeral will be on Friday.

P.S: This happens to be my 300th post! :)

A Dash of Laughter

Happy Weekend Guys n Gals!! :)