What Lies Beneath....

Note: This post talks about a bold topic and doesn't intend to hurt anybody's sentiments.

Are humans incapable of being monogamous? Are we actually polygamous by nature? Don't worry i am not asking these questions to any of you.....Its just something that's been playing on my mind from a while coz i have read quite a lot on this subject so far. So is it actually so difficult to be faithful in a relationship? Well, everybody has their own answers to this one....but let's start with the dictionary definition of infidelity:

"Infidelity is a breach of trust that signifies a lack of faithfulness to a moral obligation to one's partner. Infidelity usually implies sexual infidelity, although some people, particularly women, regard an intense emotional relationship as an unfaithful involvement, even when there is no physical component. In short, infidelity is feelings or behavior that go against a partner's expectations for the exclusivity of the relationship."

But is this the universally accepted definition? I guess not......coz everybody has their own take on infidelity. It may be different for every couple.

Just to give a few examples:

At one extreme is the couple who may agree that anything short of actual intercourse outside the relationship is fine with them or another couple who agrees that anything is fine including sex outside the relationship (e.g., swingers, swappers, open-marriages, etc).

At the other extreme is the couple where nothing even vaguely sexual about anyone outside the relationship is allowed (so there can be no open discussions of attractions or flirting at work)

There are many unstated assumptions when a couple commits to a monogamous relationship as to what infidelity means and doesn�t mean. It may be different than for other couples, which is fine as long as both partners whole-heartedly agree with the definition of �being faithful�.

Common types of infidelity include (but are not limited to):

• Online / Internet affairs ( e.g., email, chat room)
• Involvement with pornography
• Sexual affairs
• Emotional affairs
• Telephone sex

Now let's try to understand the reasons behind infidelity. The five most common reasons (according to sources) that lead to infidelity are:

1. Feeling neglected - this is one of the most dangerous emotional problems in any relationship. As long you make your partner feel that he or she is the number 1 in your life, everything would look and feel wonderful. When this changes and you find yourself paying more attention to your career, social life, relatives, your partner or spouse would feel neglected. In such time it is easier for them to find the security and affection missing at home through an affair.

2. Low self-esteem - sometimes, lack of appreciation, work stress and aging makes a person feel less wanted, less valuable. This is highly accentuated around middle-age. In order to boost their low esteem people choose to prove to themselves that they are still "valued" in the market and go ahead with an affair.

3. Seeking excitement - in some cases the marriage or relationships reach a point where both partners take each other for granted and though there is nothing really amiss, there are no more sparks there, either. The involvement therefore, would be something that adds a little excitement to a mundane life.

4. Too much work and too little leisure - the time you are contemplating a big move or a big step towards establishing yourself as a successful professional, you might tend to spend too little time with your partner. What happens in this case is that your partner would look elsewhere for company, talking, affection and the "understanding" that they are no longer receiving from you. Often these "finding a better company" turn into full fledged affairs.

5. Falling out of love - this is very much possible, and it can happen to anyone - you or your partner - and when it does it is necessary to accept the fact, keeping in mind that under no circumstance the affairs of the heart cannot be forced, bought or manipulated. In order to keep the fires burning in the heart, you need to ensure that you communicate closely, share responsibilities and have at least some common goals in life.

Now given the above reasons, is infidelity still acceptable? Tell me people:

• If your partner went ahead and cheated on you, would you accept any of these reasons and forgive them?
• Also do share your definition of infidelity. and what are your permissible limits in infidelity?
• It is said that men are more susceptible to cheat on their partner. What do you think about this statement and why?